CD 2 (cycle day 2)

So indeed I have started another cycle. It's kind of a relief when you're waiting and waiting for something to happen. I noticed I was extremely irritable yesterday, and even our dogs annoyed me. Hubby would be glad he wasn't around. ;-) I suppose the estrogen (I think) is a-ragin' and doin' its job at what it does! I haven't noticed the irritability like this in a long time... (telling myself not to read into it -- like maybe my body is finally getting ready for conception and carrying to term??) So I focused on watching an episode of Heroes and prepared a freezer meal. Also cramping is pretty bad.

Dear darling hubby returns Friday night from his work trip. I'm looking forward to us spending quality time with each other. I know that can get forgotten all too easily once baby comes!

Waaa It's Not Fair

I know we shouldn't question God, but... I just don't get it! A friend of a friend is 6 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child. She will have an 18-mo old, an infant, and a toddler in about 9 months! She is stressed and not very happy about it yet. It's unplanned and totally an accident. She had just been fitted for a diaphram! OOPS too late! Grrrrrr! I know this woman has been praying for us and I really do wish the best for her and her family. I have to trust that God knows what's best for me and that he is walking right along with me in this journey!

Just had to vent.

12 DPO, CD 32... or CD 1? (12 days past ovulation & cycle day 32... or cycle day 1?)

Not sure if I should mark this down as CD 1 (1st day of full red flow) or not... will decide tonight. My basal temps are still going down (see my fertility chart link)...

I'm not as sad anymore but am looking ahead now to a new cycle. Mainly just really tired from a fun weekend with my friend who brought her kids and spent 2 nights with me. (Hubby is in Mexico for a 2-week trip for work.) At best I have a 25% chance of conception each month (assuming good health). So I'm thinking next month has to be it! But I'm trying so hard to give it all up to God and pray that He knows the best timing for us.

Many thanks to all of you who are praying for us! {{{{HUGS}}}}

11 DPO (11 days past ovulation)

Got so sad today. Probably partly hormonal since period is coming... But hugely disappointed. '-(

10 DPO (10 days past ovulation)

Got a BFN (big fat negative) on the HPT (home pregnancy test)! Still spotting. Pretty sure it's my period. Big disappointment is looming ahead! Est. due date would have been 10/11/07... *sigh* Got a basal thermometer today that I'm borrowing from a dear friend at church. Hopefully it will be a bit more accurate than my current thermometer for my charting. Starting to look ahead to a new cycle and spending good quality time with hubby.

9 DPO (9 days past ovulation)

Today I started spotting. It's either my period or implantation spotting. Of course, I'm really hoping for the latter. However I have no pregnancy symptoms at all. I know that's not much of an indication because some pregnancies never give you symptoms (my mother, for one, didn't have many symptoms). So, I'm still very hopeful... We'll see what tomorrow tells!

First

Howdy, so here is my first post on this blog. I have felt the urge to write more about this part of my life journey but I'm not ready to shout it out to the world, so I decided to create this private blog. It's hard to tell the world that you're trying to conceive (TTC). I would dread hearing "are you pregnant?" every time I see somebody. And the advice... some of the advice that I hear can get old... but I welcome it too because I know you are trying to help, and I may just learn something, truly! Also, it's hard to know who to tell before that "safe" period before the miscarriage risk. I would want to surround myself with people who can support me if that happens again, but it would be hard to hear somebody I hadn't seen every day ask about the pregnancy after I had lost the baby.

But anyway, consider yourself privileged if you are reading this. ;-) And it goes without saying, but please keep the subject matter "private."

It has been quite a journey thus far. You likely know most of my story up to now. My husband, Jason, and I started TTC in May of '06, conceived right away, and had a miscarriage last July. I have blogged about my experiences of that ordeal on our family webblog (click here for those posts). Since then, we have tried off and on, but have given it a "good honest try" for only 4 months since losing our angel.

I started charting and temping, as they say in this TTC community. The link to my fertility chart is here. It's confusing if you know nothing about the subject but basically the vertical line shows when I ovulate, and I can keep track of all sorts of signs and symptoms throughout my womanly cycle. Our bodies are so confusing yet so amazing. I've found comfort in getting to know my body on this level. I never knew it had so much to tell me!

I hope you will enjoy this walk along with me to this destination only God is sure of!